(403): If I Had a check list "give a stripper a lap dance" would be checked the fuck off.

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(985): Decided to piss on my Ex-gf's house last night. Best drunk idea yet. That'll teach that cheating whore whose boss.

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(917): Dude don't hate me but why is your mom in my bed?

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(212): (999) how long have you guys been together (201) Loooooooooong time. Kind of like when you get really drunk and black out and you just don't know how much time has gone by.

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(613): Man Alex is going to watch the george bush guy off madtv do standup!... (1-613) : Matt WTF it's 2 in the morning, why did you wake me up to tell me this?... (613) George bush broo! Woooo!

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(717): I don't do blowjobs!, never have, an never will. Get it. Got it. Good. :)

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(205): Super baked got a O with marve, at the hangoutspot. Bongs joints and gravs watchin weeds....what am I doing with my life?!

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(226): (226-) we were facebook friends for 20 minutes when she said lets watch step brothers at my place (519) haha (226) stepbrothers is code for stick your dick in me (226) where do you meet these girls?

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(347): Home girl devil is home que pasa

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(269): i love when guys respect you after you blow them

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(450): hannah likes dutch dragon trees. because shes really cool, everyday.

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(701): And he was just creepin around with the gulf club an can full of air, just waiting to attack.

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(208): Dude i was just having phone sex with his chick and thought i pressed ignore when my mom was on the other line but turns out i told mom i want to finger her wet p***y.......eek

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(847): Hey you awake? (224) Its 9 and thursday, jersey shores on hell no im not sleeping!

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