(405): Met hot chick at bar. Went to her place. Fucked for like an hour. Played HER xbox, while getting a bj. Fucked again. More xbox and bj. Fell asleep, and what do I wake up to? Motherfucking pancakes... with chocolate chips. I'm in love...
(618): I just walked thrugh the woods having a conversation with every spider I saw in it's web. They all have English accents. I'm drunk and this weed is incredible!
(773): Dude i'm not sure who's apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal...
(254): WTF, what happened last night? Reply: You drank all the Bacardi that you bought me for MY birthday and then blamed it on the Bacardi dwarf. That's what happened last night asshole
(Anonymous): Last night I received: "why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonald's?"... sent: "you tried to order a margarita mcflurry and when they said they didn't make those you tried to call 911." MDT
(508): awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation? ... (rec'd): you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
(303): i have bruises on my hips that really really represent the exact marks of a guys hands from grabbing me and f*cking me from behind.... i thought me and you and your boyfriend were hanging out last night?
(thebestfriend): Last night, my bff sent "noo wooreez bout me. i am drancking sakee and i am goin to danse on a pole with my cab deriver jeezus. he sed i can deverginifry him. sexsexsex. loving you, barbie" MDT
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(423): My gf told me to act like Edward while we w...
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(205): man, i did like four different guys this wee...
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(905): Yesterday I texted my boyfriend, telling him...
