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(763):
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
(305):
Have you ever wondered what the real captain is doin at the very momment your drinking his perfect juice? (1305): No, but I've wondered why you ask me questions like this at 3 am.... (305): Oh, I love you too
(607):
wtf happend last night? (rcvd) well his mom was 2 feet behind us and yet he managed to get his hand up my skirt, finger me, make me cum all over his hands while im moaning, and lick it off. his mom asked wht was going on and he said i had a sticker on my thigh and he was taking it off. she believed him. (snt) yo thats fucking sweet!!
(410):
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
(831):
I just did the most awesome fart in the world! It sounded exactly like someone shuffling two decks of cards at once.
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(949):
What do you require baby? (949): Lots of lube (949): Fuck i meant Love ***** (949): Or both
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346
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202
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(62)
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(254):
Would it be weird of I asked him if he was circumcised? (1-254): No... I just asked my boyfriend if I could give him head after we just had a horrible emotional discussion
Great Night
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255
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Bad Night
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142
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(1568)
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(917):
I've got double d's that are calling you're name ;) (1-917): Well put a shirt over them, the game is on
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198
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210
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(17)
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F U, Auto Correct! - Funny iphone Auto-Correct Texts :)
F You, Auto Correct.com
(318):
Dude last night was epic shit. Like bigger than anything we ever did. People lost articles of clothing in the club
Great Night
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176
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Bad Night
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73
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Comment
(18)
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(440):
Everyone was so shocked to hear that she was a virgin they were speechless. I said I could cure that problem for her and we hooked up. It was that simple.
Great Night
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407
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Bad Night
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88
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Comment
(15)
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(817):
Ultimate walk of shame, had to walk 3 houses down and across the street in nothin but a towel while the neighbors family was outside staring
Great Night
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278
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Bad Night
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90
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(24)
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(925):
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Great Night
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587
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Bad Night
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77
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(6)
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(427):
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Great Night
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263
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63
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(15)
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(510):
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Great Night
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428
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Bad Night
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33
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(8)
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(910):
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Great Night
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344
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Bad Night
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97
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(6)
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(757):
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Great Night
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201
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33
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(5)
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(619):
Be still, my beating vagina.
Great Night
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248
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Bad Night
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49
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(14)
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(612):
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Great Night
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235
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Bad Night
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35
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(16)
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(831):
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Great Night
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289
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112
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Comment
(13)
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