(970): Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"

Great Night (512) Bad Night (10) Comment (12) More texts from (970)

(970): Apparently I was so worried about getting pregnant from last night that I took 3 birth control pills.

Great Night (1) Bad Night (11) Comment (1) More texts from (970)

(970): Had a party, Invited two girls i didnt know, Payed for their alc, Let them cut in line in beer pong, Let them win in beer pong, Took them to Chipoltle and payed for their food, Dropped them off at their house, Overhearing them the next day say what an asshole I was last night: PRICELESS!!

Great Night (12) Bad Night (567) Comment (53) More texts from (970)

(970): Dude! She got really sad when I brought out the condoms! It was like she wasnted to get pregnant!!

Great Night (11) Bad Night (291) Comment (7) More texts from (970)

(970): I had to give him a retarded hand job because i just got my wisdom teeth out. he seemed fine with it but i was pissed

Great Night (2) Bad Night (17) Comment (0) More texts from (970)

(970): their band is playing scotty doesn't know.... they're playing for a reverends retreat.

Great Night (7) Bad Night (0) Comment (0) More texts from (970)

(970): Mary Jane, $50, Gas, $35, Finding out that the smell in that house you babysit at really is pot and that they indeed are stoners, priceless.

Great Night (24) Bad Night (1) Comment (0) More texts from (970)

(970): Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus

Great Night (417) Bad Night (6) Comment (0) More texts from (970)

(970): I'm like tryin to stay alive my eyes keep shuttig

Great Night (7) Bad Night (0) Comment (0) More texts from (970)

(970): i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final

Great Night (21) Bad Night (211) Comment (4) More texts from (970)

(970): she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation

Great Night (224) Bad Night (26) Comment (0) More texts from (970)

(970): you were so drunk last night that you were crawling under the pong table screaming 'i'm fucking beowulf bitches!'(303): so that would explain why i smell like a dumpster! (970): no you were in one of those too

Great Night (18) Bad Night (4) Comment (0) More texts from (970)

(970): Woke up in clothes..don't know where they came from and flowers alllll over the floor.

Great Night (14) Bad Night (3) Comment (0) More texts from (970)

(970): i didn't tie my shoes for this?!

Great Night (0) Bad Night (7) Comment (0) More texts from (970)

Remember The Pics From Last Night?

Best Friends :)
Awesomeness!