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(770):
(rec'v)Have you set boundaries with him yet? (sent) lets see..he talks to me only in innuendos...makes out with me in random places...and his hands basically stay between my legs..and supposedly I am on his "to-do list"...I'll go with no on this one...
(269):
I just had a conversation in spanish with a raccoon!
(310):
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
(402):
i didn't think i would be able to walk down the stairs so i jumped off of the roof...
(305):
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
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(604):
[r] it was sketchy as fuck.. and her mom found her half naked at three in the morning.. [s] hahaha, what happened?! [r] NO IDEA. Reagan found me talking to adam telling him katie ran away on his unicorn.. so high.
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(604)
(604):
[r]katie has legit NO food.. [s] i have soo much food.. i'm gonna go make french toast. (: [r] WHY THE FUCK AM I NOT WITH YOU?!?!?!?!?!
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(604)
(604):
im so embarrassed. even my grandma thinks im a whore.
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2
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(604)
(604):
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
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253
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(5)
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(604)
(604):
K, I did not chew any of that pasta. BTW i swallowed a hotdog one time. then i went to hookup with this guy and my keys are locked in my car. can you come get me?
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(604)
(604):
I thought I was home turns out I was sleepin in a ditch covered by some leaves with a homeless guy.....
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6
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(604)
(604):
"If he fucks you you know what we have do to right?" "What?" "Find him 5 more dwarfs to fuck.. I mean, 2 just doesn't cut it as 7..."
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(604)
(604):
S: your grandma is tight. R: beer for breakfast? I dare you
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7
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2
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(0)
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(604)
(604):
In case I forget my name its sharpied on my arm
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17
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1
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(604)
(604):
No I can't, I got cheer then a drug test. Maybe later.
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9
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3
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(1)
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(604)
(604):
HEY HO! FOUND A VAGINA IN MY BED! ;-)
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14
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(604)
(604):
DUDE SHE ALMOST CHOCK GIVING ME BJ.>> YEAH RIGHT HARD TO CHOCK WITH THAT LITTLE...WHATEVER THAT IS....
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3
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(604)
(604):
Was it the dog or roomate tha SHIT on the floor last night. No TP so must be the roomate
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1
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7
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(604)
(604):
Wife is out and I am drunk and laid....Ooops, I guess she did not hide the cookie jar well enough...
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1
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10
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