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(902):
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
(217):
What happened last night, and why am I dressed like an Indian? (508) You left the party holding a pool cue saying it was your spear and that you were going cougar hunting
(417):
(rec'd 2:30 AM) its either a spider bite or im growing a second penis right above my original one (rec'd 2 min later) which wouldnt really be a bad thing
(352):
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
(904):
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
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(817):
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Great Night
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102
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Bad Night
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7
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Comment
(3)
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(817)
(817):
(S) So, I lost it to him.. (R) WTF?! When? How? Why? Dude!!! I don't wanna be the one to tell you this.. But he's a manwhore! He only used you for sex!!!:( (S) A few weeks ago, it just happened, I wanted to lose it. And no shit he's a manwhore.. Don't you think I USED HIM for sex?? I just wanted to get fucked already. (R) Holy shit, ha.. If only he knew he got used this time lmfao.
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10
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1
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(2)
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(817)
(817):
dear mom and dad, I got drunk and ate all my lunchables. please send money
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177
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7
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(2)
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(817)
(817):
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
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230
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Bad Night
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4
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Comment
(17)
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(817)
(817):
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
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117
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Bad Night
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3
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Comment
(0)
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(817)
(817):
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie. (214): Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better. (817): You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
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216
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6
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Comment
(2)
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(817)
(817):
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Great Night
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130
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Bad Night
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11
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Comment
(6)
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(817)
(817):
I was having sex with him, instead of saying something sexy in my ear, he whispered,"We are so gonna make pizza after this!"
Great Night
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233
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Bad Night
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57
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Comment
(1)
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(817)
(817):
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Great Night
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12
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Bad Night
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0
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Comment
(1)
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(817)
(817):
S: what's going on? R: I think they're posing for you? S: hmm this could be good right? R: ahh yeah!!
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4
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0
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(1)
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(817)
(817):
DUDE!! and that's when it happened! that's when you stuck your dick in the asians girls mouth!!!
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14
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Bad Night
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2
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Comment
(0)
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(817)
(817):
You ran around claiming to be a Jew and then said Hitler can come get you but the leprechauns can't because your wearing green.. Need I remind you that your Irish? Not a Jew?
Great Night
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16
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Bad Night
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0
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(0)
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(817)
(817):
(rec) Tried to pick up a barista at Starbucks. (sent) Any luck? (rec). Pretty sure she gave me decaf. (sent) How do you know? (rec) Tired as shit, didn't get anywhere, barista trying not to laughh when she gave me my damned drink.
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10
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Bad Night
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2
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Comment
(2)
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(817)
(817):
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Great Night
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252
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Bad Night
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46
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Comment
(16)
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(817)
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