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(613):
"woke up in chef pants and jager bomb sunglasses on... must have been a good night"
(Anonymous):
Last night, "I ran into a ditch, dodged a mailbox, jumped a driveway completely airborne, landed, and drifted around a 90 degree curve. Everyone in the car just about shit except me. I said 'remember that shortcut' and kept driving." MDT
(503):
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
(206):
I just went to the bathroom and realized after hovering for like 2.5 minutes... I was pissing and realized that the back of my thighs were wet. I was pissing on top of the toilet seat lid, and on the back of my pants. Shit. I'm gonna go stand under the blower machine.
(314):
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
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(456):
i just realized that americans really dont know how to party. drunk after one beer? gotta be a loong night
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(456):
last night u found a tic tac on the ground and made it your pet for around 3 hours, then you gave it a bath and it disolved, then you had a funeral for it and u made us wear black and carry flowers...
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(456):
yup.. so totally caught TK jacking off to a billy mays commercial. not gonna talk to him ever again.
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