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(417):
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish. (1-417): I love foreign exchange students.
(217):
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
(##?):
You are a chode, you will always be a chode and your children's children will be chodes... suck it... seriously... you = CHODE.
(440):
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
(615):
My pastor just told me I look like the girl off Sex and the City.
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(971):
(sent) I decided to tell him I was pregnet through "words with friends" I think he got the idea cause after i played the words period and late. He resigned...
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(971)
(971):
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
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(971)
(971):
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
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(971)
(971):
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
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(971)
(971):
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
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(971)
(971):
Happy New Year! HEAVY D (518) It's 3:30 am Jan. 5th. Who are you?
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(971)
(971):
Derek gave me condoms, plan b and vodka for Xmas... (480): Haha, what a great boyfriend he is!
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(971)
(971):
Only my parents would take away my birth control as a punishment..
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(971)
(971):
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
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(971)
(971):
I'm saving the pictures btw. Hope you don't mind. If you do ill tell you I deleted them if it makes you feel better (503): Not only do I not mind but I prefer it haha. I didn't take them to be deleted! (971): You are spactacular my friend. Truly a gem..
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(971)
(971):
Dude I just found the nastiest smelling dollar bill of my life...i think this one may have actually been in a strippers booty cheek.
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(971)
(971):
i wasnt feeling too good and me and my friend were laughing saying i was gonna end up puking in his mouth.... he ended up puking in mine.
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(971)
(971):
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
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(971)
(971):
What happened last night? I thought it was weird to wake up at my house then i realized i had a hospital bracelet on.
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(971)
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