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(704):
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
(717):
So i felt a vagina for the first time today. No lie, feels like a snuggie made specially for your penis
(504):
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
(631):
I don't believe she swallowed all 3 of our loads!
(507):
haha i found a liquor bottle at school lol (sent) llol wat'd ya do w/ it? (rcvd) we were playin spin the bottle and the councler came over and saw the bottle (sent) .... and..?? (rcvd) he said "have fun kids" and walked away.
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(952):
(952) you ran around the house screaming imma SUPER HERO! then you fought off the evil couch of DOOOOOOM! (952) that drunk? (952) yupp:)
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(952)
(952):
"Apparently he uses Alamo over skank. Twang over yeah. & mopeds over nope. I dont wanna know about his conversations!"
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(952)
(952):
i just slipped and fell. everyone laughed...even the cops.
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(952)
(952):
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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(952)
(952):
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
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(952)
(952):
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
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(952)
(952):
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
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(952)
(952):
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
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(952)
(952):
He put the phone on speaker while we were having sex to impress his friend. Oddly enough, I'm okay with that.
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(952)
(952):
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
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(952)
(952):
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
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(952)
(952):
So on a scale of 1-10 how bad is it that I wanna fuck the dude living in the basement...
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(952)
(952):
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
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(952)
(952):
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
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