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(347):
on the way to buy weed from a strange guy, got lost in a strange neighborhood, finally found the place. started walking and heard him yell "up here!" from his 2nd story window, he threw down a hat attached to a string with the bag in it, put my 20 in and he pulled it up. best drug deal ever
(919):
Don't Kanye me or I will Chris Brown you and Tiger Woods your Mother
(419):
i asked an undercover cop to buy me a shot...how has my drunk ass still never been in jail?
(208):
taking a shower is like being baptised...it washes all the cum vodka smoke and sin out of my hair:)
(310):
my school uniform is forcing me to choose between looking like a nun or slut.
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(641):
R: Fuck. You always contradict me! God damn what do i look like starburst? S: No because your not scotch-korean or the living dead.
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(641):
Dam...lost some $ spent 160l ost the back to my phone slept dam neer mnaked with andy. Im still drunk : /
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(641):
Recieved- You totally did bitchin on your ACTS!!! I can just feel you go the high school :D Sent- Dude I didn't take them. Mrs. S called me and I said I was sick, she SO knew I was hungover..
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(641):
Can I get a little credit for not abusing your throat when I'm drunk?
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(641):
(S) seriously?? what did you do while you were waiting for them then? (R) well I just sort of sat down on the side of the highway and waited for some of the local deer to jump out with a big sign taht said "F*** YOU -----!"
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(641):
So my friend said he was going to fuck this fat chick and i called him out on rock paper scissors and won... thats a win right?
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(641):
she's crying because she wants bacon and icecream! what do I do?!
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(641):
(r)soo I reeallly had to pee.. I went to his bathroom and I realized he had no toilet paper...only kleenexes...there is no going back..(s)you are sick.... but I still respect you somehow....
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(641):
SENT: Fair enough. I'll buy you a waffle, but that doesn't mean your getting in my pants! RECEIVED: We'll have to see about that.. SENT: Many have tried,, few have failed. RECEIVED: Heard thaaat!!
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(641):
"What's up?" "Not a damn mcuh"
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(641):
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
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(641):
Negative ghost rider it is affirmative that my day sucked a dick bigger than megatrons.
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(641):
When the family on tv kept saying"yo that gravitys crazy y'all" you started crying and saying "it's like they know the story of my whole life!"
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(641):
shes so high tht we had to be concerned about letting her frost cupcakes...I nevr wanna be concerned about someone frosting cupcakes...children can do tht!
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