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(585):
I would call her but I'm not in the mood to tell a bunch of lies and things she wants to hear just to get in her pants
(269):
You were sitting on the kitchen floor yelling at everyone that walked by, "I'm not that fucked up, I'm just chillin!"
(614):
she compared her poop to the size of my penis
(617):
All of a sudden he stormed out of the room and yelled "It's not a chew toy!", then slammed the door and left.
(918):
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
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(586):
I shit myself last night trying to move a homeless persons cart out of a rockstar parking spot on first street
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(586)
(586):
Sent: Dude. I fell asleep on the card table. I woke up with it on me... Wtf (586) rcvd: yeah. You also flipped over the fouton cause you thought you knew parkour. Sent: Really? How'd I do? Rcvd: you didn't. Faceplanted
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(586):
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
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(586)
(586):
I miss college:( masturbating isnt the same with my ten year old sister screaming in the next room
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(586)
(586):
im walking down 9mile with shorts and a wizard hat. this is going to be a good night!!
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(586)
(586):
Im about to blow this 50 yo pizza bring
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(586)
(586):
I drank a lot of goldschlager last night. I fuckin puked gold chunks bitch, FANCY AS FUCK RIGHT?!
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(586)
(586):
So I was taking a ferocious piss, and I pee'd so hard that it shot out and got all over my pants!!
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(586)
(586):
I'm not sure where I am, but I woke up with no pants. I might just take julies and try n find my way home lol.
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(586)
(586):
I recall you rolling a joint and your bf texted you and you stared at the phone and said "fuck him. weed comes first in this life"...stoner
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(586)
(586):
Yes I did sleep with my spray cheese and vodka last night.
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(586)
(586):
hurry up! I need your dick in me like pronto!
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(586)
(586):
I think my use of marijuana is becoming a problem. I get high before I do anything. I GET HIGH BEFORE I GET HIGH MAN.
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(586)
(586):
Rcvd: I don't declare I'm drunk until I've tripped a few times lol Sent: bitch you were tripping over air and you still wouldn't admit you were drunk!!
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