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(423):
(rec'd) dude guess how i lost 120 lbs (sent) ...idk? (rec'd) by dumping my bitch of a girlfriend
(845):
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
(845):
haha soo after everytime we fuck he takes me to get a slushie. its like he is thanking me with a slushie for fucking him.
(206):
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
(614):
POCKETFUL OF CELERYYYY! LOVE YOU
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(505):
Took a dump while on a conference call. Thank God for the mute button.
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3
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2
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(505)
(505):
Taylor Swift is hot.
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4
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6
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(0)
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(505)
(505):
Dammit. The dreared shart :-(
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4
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4
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(1)
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(505)
(505):
That's unfortunate. She must be hot with the implants. I need to engage in more espionage
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2
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(505)
(505):
Li-Lo posing for Playboy. I am stunned. She did not seem to be heading down that path at all...
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4
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1
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(0)
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(505)
(505):
There's never a good time for diarhhea.
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3
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(505)
(505):
(rec) The backyard ceremony, is a small thing. Then we're going to get crunk. (sent) In that case, I'll make sure to invite Lil' Wayne. (rec) Sounds good. Julie likes him
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3
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(505)
(505):
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
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(505)
(505):
Received: "Woooooooh!" *A few seconds later.* "I spelled that right yes?"
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(505)
(505):
So my mom's totally a one-hitter-quitter...I must have gotten the mad smoking genes from my dad.
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9
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(505)
(505):
Apparently her vow to 'love, honor, and cherish' me doesn't apply to sucking my dick while I play Mario Kart.
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7
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9
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(1)
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(505)
(505):
Lol Yea the mariachi sang rosa maria and blue moon... best $6 I ever spent!
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4
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(505)
(505):
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
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120
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(505)
(505):
It must have been really cold last night because when I woke up my nipples were hard but my dick was soft.
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1
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5
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(505)
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