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(850):
Lana is anal spelled backwards!! (1-850): We've been over this before! Are you drunk again? (850): Yes
(740):
so. you know it's gotten bad when you see a children's medicine cup and think "shot glass!"
(267):
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
(305):
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
(802):
naked , 2 am, locked inside toys are us. a finger puppet on my dick. and a hot chick next to me.
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(442):
If I get layed wearing my onesy, I will be forever self proud !
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1
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(442)
(442):
that heart sinking moment when you realize that 10 you took home last nightis actually 2.
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5
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(442)
(442):
She ran our of rizla so just started eating her tobacco saying she was saving the trees ...
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106
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21
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(442)
(442):
Revived: dude I lost my $165 boat shoes !!!! Sent: no you just painted them blue and put them in the closet . Revived: oh.....
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39
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3
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(442)
(442):
Rcved: dude he was so good I had an asthma attack. Snt: I didn't know you were asthmatic ? Recvd: I'm not...
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22
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6
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(442)
(442):
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
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91
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76
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(36)
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(442)
(442):
Quick, to the slutcave!
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156
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7
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(1)
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(442)
(442):
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
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77
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7
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(442)
(442):
we kissed last night, one step closer (rev) lol i forgot that ;D (sent) It was to i kissed a girl, katy perry would be proud (Rev) ..no it wasn't, i was kissing andy at that point (sent) SHIT, WHO THE HELL DID I KISS?
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