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(239):
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
(405):
Its the thought that counts. Unfortunately you were thinking of hamburgers...
(626):
A cop woke me up at 4 in the morning asking me what i was doing in the middle of mcdonalds parking lot with only my boxers on
(909):
Rec: you know imma make a movie called super drunk me. just like that super size me shit. cept ill be drunk for a whole month. ill make billions. or at least a 6 pack.
(509):
I don't walk down the street with street lights, I don't wanna people to see me being raped..
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(434):
Damnn, downed a whole year even if I do go there life! (5 mins later) Wait no...downed a whole four loko even I take 4 hits bowl! I cruisinnnn
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(434)
(434):
For every time I get a gutter ball, we take a shot. Reply: You are aware that you average a 17, right? ;)
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(434)
(434):
Rec:Dude, why did you cock block me from your sister? Sent:That wasn't my sister, that was my MARRIED AUNT. Rec:Oh. Rec:Thank you. Sent:Your welcome, and her's are fake.
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(434)
(434):
you smell like sex and alcohol. (330) well i am a rockstar
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(434)
(434):
so my boyfriend wanted to have sex tonight and he knew i was on my period but we did it anyways. it was both our first time doing it on a period and when we got dont it looked like he had his period more than i did. he had my blood all over his junk.
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(434)
(434):
I am scared for these ppls lives. Theyy are so drunk a guy passed out middancing and then immediately jumped back up and started dangingm again he couldnt control his body. imso scred mannnn im too highh for thism
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(434)
(434):
recived: Dude i cant find my phon anywere sent: look down at your hand. recived: thx man!
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(434)
(434):
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
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(434)
(434):
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
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(434)
(434):
i took a giant shit and the terd was protruding from the water...yea, my ass hurts
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(434)
(434):
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
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(434)
(434):
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
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(434)
(434):
totally baked, half baked, johnny appleweed, 4:20 Hour Stand-Up and pot zombies ALL on hulu, this is a sign from god.
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(434)
(434):
We sang "all that jazz" as "all that jizz". Karaoke dj not happy.
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(0)
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(434)
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