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(319):
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
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(319):
you were so drunk you pissed on your laptop
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(319):
(319): Dude. you have a three legged cat and a killer stereo system. Nothin beats that. (480): Tia. Wtf are you? What stereo system?! (319): Your tv. You have dvr. (480): Thats not a stereo system.. Im buying you a drug test.
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(319):
I didn't want to go to work today so I called in and said I had explosive diarrhea
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(319):
i decided to burn some calories today, so i lit a fat kid on fire...
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(319):
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you." (319): Decisions, decisions.
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(319):
lmao ikr. i said no. cause i'm too lazy to walk.over. plus im already inbed. and anyway my fams awake. (1+319): Oh I'm so glad one of those reasons is because u have dignity! Plus I just saw some ppl having sex inthe bed of a truck at wal mart.
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(319):
so my mom went to an african american rights celebration. she came back with a black lady?
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(319)
(319):
sn't: How do you get lost on a lazy river? It goes one direction. rec'vd: Tequila. Lots and lots of tequila. Btw I lost my bottoms find them and me.
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(319):
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
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(319):
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
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(319):
(319): I can finally tell it's over between me and him. (319-1): How? (319): Because the only time we talk is on facebook and when he wants to hook up. But it's okay, I like this a lot better than a relationship. Let's just say we have reallyyyyyyyyy good sex.
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(319):
Pretty sure I went to the fireworks in my underwear last night, hung out the sunroof, got told by some little kid to watch the language and had $50 worth of ones when I woke up. . .
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(319):
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
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