(303): She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.

Great Night (169) Bad Night (9) Comment (1) More texts from (303)

(303): As i log in to porn hub.. to jack off i see my girlfriend on a porn sight.

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(303): i walk into the kitchen 2 hours past curfew where my mom is making french toast and singing to lady gaga, am I blazed as fuck or what?!

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(303): you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you

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(303): (303) fucked her, all drunk (303) and threw up mid sex (303) and she left (832) haha atta boy

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(303): those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.

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(303): so high, 40 minutes into the movie " the final destination" and i just know notice its in spanish!

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(303): Dude why there a unicycle in my room and a clown in my bed

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(303): Last night I was so drunk, my friends and i went to the public pool at 4:30 AM and all pooped in it.

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(303): So i got a dog, his name is Rolex, he is my watch dog. but he is a pretty shitty one, he barks at all of my friends, but some drunk guy just walked in my apartment instead of 410 and he just looked at him, didnt make a peep. I nearly peed myself, then once mr drunky poo was walking away, Rolex decided to bark. sweet.

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(303): I love my life. I am sitting naked in my apartment, watching Futurama, eating cinnamon life cereal with kahlua instead of milk because i guess last night i thought that running water on it in the shower would be a more suitable storage place for it. Gross.

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(303): i love my ambien, apparently i was looking for the drive through to the walmart, but good thing i remembered you have to be in a car to go through drive throughs, so a hobo offered to push me in his shopping cart, too bad i fogot and he was retarded to realize walmart does not offer drive through service. just a real nice personal police escort escorting me off the premesis. HA!

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(303): so i was walking down the street and some fuck nuts threw water balloons at me from their car. and thats not the worst part, i spilled my pina colada, i really wish i didnt have such goddamn good reflexes. i would rather be wet and drunk then dry and tipsy.

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(303): So I definitly need supervision while drinking, my can opener is in the car from camping, and i dint want to go get it, so opened up the can with that huge knife, it was all going well until i decided i was going to try to open it by sliding it across the piece of metal sticking up. can you pick me up i need stiches. bad.

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