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(904):
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
(403):
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
(301):
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
(213):
After we finished fcking, she turned to me and told me; "Now I can call you Fred". I asked "Why Fred?". She said; "Cuz you made the bed rock!" EPIC WIN!!!!
(615):
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
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(208):
Steel reserves, knife hits and cigarettes. Oh and bottle rockets. And bubbles. Shit's getting real.
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2
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(0)
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(208)
(208):
Are you gonna hit up some hookers while you're there? No I don't wanna get stds I think theyre called stis now Huh Sexually transmitted infections
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5
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4
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(2)
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(208)
(208):
i found a picture of you falling in the toilet on my phone. tag you or no??
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16
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2
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(0)
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(208)
(208):
1. I'm watching the funniest Fantasy Factory ever. I literally LOL'd. 2. What the fuck did I say to my boyfriend last night?
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8
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(0)
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(208)
(208):
I somehow end up in a hot tub... Where I am farting sponges...
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4
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3
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(0)
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(208)
(208):
Just saw some masked dudes in dark clothing hiding around corners on campus... Either a womens self defense class is in session, or we got some kinda ninja invasion going on right now. Whatever it is, BEWARE
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19
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(0)
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(208)
(208):
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too. (1-208): did we at least go back and get it? (208): how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
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155
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(208)
(208):
See when you say things like that it makes me wanna get ur girl friend pregnant
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7
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3
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(0)
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(208)
(208):
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
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124
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22
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(5)
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(208)
(208):
Sent: I found the coolest invention. We need a beer tube. Rcvd: Classy! Sent: But we should make it a Four Loko tube instead. Rcvd: Fuckkkk yeah!
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4
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4
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(208)
(208):
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
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155
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5
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(1)
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(208)
(208):
But before u leave I had the coolest idea. I am goin to get a pole and put it in my house.and smoke blackberry kush all day.
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4
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(0)
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(208)
(208):
I'm such a skank when I'm drunk. :( (1-208): Sweetie, you're a skank when you're sober. You might as well have an "easy" button on your vag. (208): Thanks?
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(208)
(208):
(rec) is that girl staying the night? Im drunk (sent) Unfortuantely yes, im not drunk, also unfortunate, and she smells like rubber and lemons.
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