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(206):
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
(440):
I think the guy in the stall beside me is playing Wheel of Fortune on his cell pone. Every few minutes I hear “BIG MONEY!” shouted from the toilet.
(215):
Im gonna start makin babies so i can get free cigars!
(703):
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
(816):
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night. (314): I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
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(Lala):
I received last night: "sleeping is for rumplestiltskin." i replied: "wtf?" and received back: "just say no to bacardi 151 with ducks and panda bears." MDT
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