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(443):
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
(208):
taking a shower is like being baptised...it washes all the cum vodka smoke and sin out of my hair:)
(405):
(rec'd): i woke up, and shes still here. what now? (sent): Tap it again.
(714):
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
(337):
Who needs ass toneing shoes when you've got four inch heels and the club?
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(604):
Why is there a shark fin in my car? 778; Alexandra dressed up as a landshark! 604; so much win
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