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(318):
Almost got arrested for fucking in public told the cop it was valentines day and I needed her Vcard totally let me go!!
(856):
my mom just started video taping me and i asked what she was doing and she was like "this is so in the morning when you don't remember this, i can give you a reason why you're grounded."
(765):
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
(419):
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
(706):
Your BF is wasted! (1-706) I know right... he and I were cuddling on his couch when suddenly I tried to get up. Before I could stand, he grabs onto me and says, "I'm a koala and you're my eucalyptus tree!" He then continued to latch onto me pretending to eat my hair.
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(785):
Mom was bossin dad around so I told him to "slap that ho".. Lets just say she was mad..
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