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(757):
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
(330):
He was watching me put my month over the top of my water bottle, actually staring, so I bit the cap really hard and he made the most hurt expression I've ever seen.
(850):
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
(706):
I like getting drunk alone and reading MDT. S'like getting drunk with my friends...without the expectations.
(618):
After I came in her mouth, she looked up at me and whispered, "I just ate your babies." WTF?!
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(510):
(510) Come over I'm naked. (510) Open your door now! (510) Mom?
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