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(214):
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
(651):
WTF happened lastnight? (R)after you downed 6 more shots, you ran outside kicking the snow out of everyone's wheel wells saying you were lowering the percentage of accidents. i started helping. welp, police got involved. -_- we failed the breathalyzer and as he was putting the handcuffs on you when you said "i was just saving lives! would you arrest a doctor for doing HIS job?" he looked around, realized what we were doing and let us both go. (S) maybe i should drink more often?
(252):
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
(519):
"She has fuckin cookie nips..like I swear to god they r as big as the jumbo size chocolate chip cookies u can buy in the schools cafe..."
(740):
my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. He followed it with, "Want to try anal?"
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(416):
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
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1 year ago
dude why didnt I think of that?!? that makes me hungery
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84861 (0 Points) 1 year ago
dude why didnt I think of that?!? that makes me hungery