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(416):
You broke my penis honey (1-416): It's just my way of keeping you faithful (416): ???? (1-416): U can't have sex now. And I'm the only girl who'll accept oral sex forever :)
(803):
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
(518):
Reached into the pocket of a pair of my brothers jeans upon trying them on ... pulled out 4 used condoms!!!! No soap or sanitizer exists to undo that damage. My life is irreparably changed ...
(215):
that annoying drunk girl who was pissing everyone off got hit by a car, so when they put her in the ambulance we all cheered
(919):
the hottest girl i ever made out with .. turned out to be a guy.. does that make me gay now?
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(303):
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
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