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(516):
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
(254):
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
(401):
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
(309):
What are you up to? I miss you so much... The batteries died in my dildo.
(256):
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
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(413):
tequila made my clothes fall off...along with beer, and vodka, and whiskey, and peachtree schnapps.
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