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(610):
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
(574):
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
(512):
Everytime we loaded a bowl last night you yelled dibbs and and then got pissed when we didn't give it to you first.
(51632):
dude i think i'm better with my fingers than my dick... win? fail?
(852):
He started kissing my boobs and all I could think about was us shotting vodka and trying to suck our own nipples the night before, he was unimpressed with the amount of laughter...
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(330):
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister (216): i hate you
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