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(905):
So I totally fucked him last night. still wearing my Optimus Prime mask...
(352):
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview... (1-352): so you did it... (352): obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
(330):
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
(704):
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
(519):
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
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(972):
I know you wont remember this in the morning but you crawled to the bottle of crown, you had a great night
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