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(508):
Since when do you wear a bracelet? (603): Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
(847):
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
(443):
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
(917):
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
(832):
i just bought a 6 pack, a king sized snickers, and a cosmo with "the orgasm whisperer - every woman needs one." this just screams lonely night...
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(978):
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
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