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(703):
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
(647):
by the time i was finished with you, you'd be nothing but a drooling blob of post-cunnalingal confusion and dirty feelings. trust me, this is for the best.
(361):
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
(704):
Sorry I missed your bday party... In my drunken state I let my girlfriend tie me up. In her drunken state she passed out in the bathroom for 4 hours...
(618):
I'm making a list of all the things I want to forget and then i'm going to take a shot for each one of them tonight.
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(608):
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
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