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(612):
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
(415):
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
(+44):
1 beer, 2 ciders, 1 wkd, 1 vodka & coke, 1 tequila, 1 vodka :D Btw do you think that it's okay not to be able to tell yellow from white?
(509):
I am at shell station inside drinking beer with the Indian dude
(250):
I just woke up with a straw in my vag
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(724):
i woke up next to young roach this morning...life's goood.
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