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(215):
when your girl called you to tell u if you dont stop drinking and come home she is gonna tell your boss and you replied with "amanda they dont fire super heros, it just doesnt happen that way"
(845):
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
(415):
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
(802):
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
(434):
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
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(612):
you were putting handfuls of fish food in your mouth and trying to feed it to my goldfish like a mama bird. you kept muttering "fish need love too.."
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