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(716):
My girl has to interview rushes and she can't find the questions she usually asks. I said just ask them if they're on the pill and if they spit or swallow, what else do you need to know?
(417):
Me and some friends ended up going through a sobriety stop. When we threw all the alcohol in the back a bottle of whiskey broke open so it reaked!!.= The cop checked the drivers eyes and looked at her tits and told us to move through slowly. Epic win?
(318):
You know you had a successful break when you open your backpack for school and all you have in it is a fifth of everclear.
(503):
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
(610):
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
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(484):
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
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