(440): shit dude! the girl i slept with last night is making me pancakes.. in my kitchen.. naked.. what the fuck was her name?!

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(440): duuuude.. i feel like shit. and why is there a listerine bottle and a straw next to my kitchen table? 440- you were totally wasted and you drank listerine claiming it was a "new type of whisky." i had 911 on my speed dial man..

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(814): this morning i woke up with a text : WAY TO GO whore, im now single.

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(412): when i woke up this morning, i got out of my bed and stepped on something squishy. it was some naked foreign guy who didn't speak any english. wanna explain how he got there?

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(412): (sent) So my mom just txted me to tell me she found my cat squished on the side of the road... (rcv) Oh really thats sad..oh wait i thought you hated that cat?..(sent) I do! Who said i didn't. (rcd) Well then i guess you have 1 squished pussaay!

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Remember The Pics From Last Night?

Best Friends :)
Awesomeness!