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(712):
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
(573):
this drunk bitch just gave me head and i came in her mouth when she made me promise I wouldn't. (sent) You're transferring to a College back home and I'm taking your phone away, -Mom
(224):
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
(715):
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy! (218): I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
(407):
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
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(704):
Picky promise that on my wedding day you wont be prettier than me?
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(919):
myroomsye mad eme do pre dpring braek shotssss (919) asw dagumnabitt whers a camrsa when ineedddd one
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(518):
She wanted to give me head...I realized she was soo drunk that nothing good could come of it. So I said "Go ahead"
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(919):
"dude all i remember last night was watching 2 hours of hannah montana and thought it was the greatest thing ever!"
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(919)
(919):
She just touched my penis.
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(336):
i'm sittin here drinkin x-rated and eatin italian toast and my kitty ears are moving with every chew haha i love u taylooor for ur italian toast ;) lets go to italyy!
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(910):
This ani't a laughing matter innocent people's lives is at risk. the exotic mexican is holding people hostage at chucky cheese with a deadly virus strand disgusied as the rat.
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(919):
Helping the NCSU men's soccer team win, sleeping with the opposing team the night before the game, one member at a time...
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(919)
(919):
(919-1)sent- Got beer for the next two weeks. Had a few with my pizza rolls last night, and another when I had raman for lunch today. (919-2)recv- umm cool haha (919-1)sent- Fuck yea its cool. (919-2)recv- You are such a redneck (919-1)sent- Really? no I am not. (919-2)recv- You drink beer with raman... I win this argument.
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(919)
(919):
you left three pieces packed up in your room. happy birthday to me
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(278):
Snt* dude... Just had sex in the bouncy house in my garage*recvd*wtf... You have a bouncy house? *snt* not the point.*recvd* can i come and play pleaseeeeeeee MDT
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(763):
I woke up with my shirt on as pants... (610) Oh god what did you do last night (763) I Lived
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(919):
I've based all my standards off Spice Girls songs, I think I'll succeed at life.
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(919):
It was a god damm undercover sting operation! RUN!!!
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