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(961):
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
(314):
Lube up, its going to be a rough night
(502):
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
(859):
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
(401):
He shoulda kept his face outta my vagina if he didn't wanna date me. - MDT
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(714):
Eh ok. Paint a picture of my gine and envision it free and frolicking
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(559):
(925) I literally considered taking a taxi home this morning, THAT hungover (559) dude you live 4 houses down
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297
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(714):
me "r u able to walk?" her "not normally. I thought that whole bow legged thing was a joke. It's kinda not"
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(843):
He was drunk and let two girls punch him in the arm repeatedly, ripped down my Taylor Swift poster, then hugged the toilet before passing out and puking in his bed.
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(714):
I just walked in on my parents reading High Times while smoking a fatty...
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40
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(714):
quote of the week from your little brother: You know, I'm usually throwing up by now. I love beer.
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(760):
So i just had like 20 beers! and this girl asked me to fuck...in the middle of foreplay she asked if she could lick my asshole so i said yes..not realizing i had to fart..but it just went out..and one of my dingle berries slapped her nose..im so fucked! lmao! do you think she'll still give me head?!
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(562):
dude korean bbq last night high last night was awesome. it was like stoner arts and crafts hahahah
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15
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(562):
is there a reason y u sent me a picture of someone's crotch
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