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(513):
wanna hear a joke about my Dick? nevermind its too long... (1513): wanna hear a joke about my vagina? never mind you won't get it... (513): that didn't turn out as funny as I thought..
(537):
WTF!!!!! It's only 6 and I'm at some hole in the wall bar with this chick. I already fucked her in my car. This might be the most produtive night out ever!
(727):
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
(786):
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
(585):
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
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(402):
He grabbed my tits, then told me that it wasn't illegal because he was wearing oven mitts!
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