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(402):
Doesnt it just piss you off when youre taking a dump, and then a panda bear comes in and starts masturbating?
(347):
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
(615):
Stop signs only count if you're going forward right?
(860):
we've started having sober sex (203): you really do like him
(650):
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
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(Anonymous):
Last night i received "dude this girl threw up in your bathroom while giving me head. i think she was the one that ate the pizza you were looking for" MDT
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