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(757):
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
(432):
I tried not to look drunk in front of the cop until I walked into an ATM.
(516):
i just made my dog lick peanut butter outta my pussy..guess dogs dont hate cats afterall..
(603):
so i just got pulled over for doing 94 in a 65. and i had a open beer bottle in clear view. he let me go. god i love having big boobs.
(503):
I feel like everytime my parents give me cash they're supporting my underage drinking
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(714):
He's a short coward with an even shorter penis. I think he did me a favor.
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