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(978):
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
(619):
I'm passing your future prison.
(843):
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
(631):
I'm a little drunk and by a little I mean definitely. It took me four times to spell that right.
(225):
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
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(304):
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
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