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(301):
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
(404):
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
(480):
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
(650):
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
(409):
Can't move to Texas, I'm not legally female there.
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(910):
ewww.. a lady's gonna look at my lil puss then ima go home and eat a steak
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