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(412):
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
(281):
you know its really hard to Jack-off to ur Facebook picture cuz its of u n ur 8-year old sister?!
(619):
Why couldn't you sleep? (619-2) I heard someone calling my name from the living room. Turns out the weed was calling my name. He wanted me to smoke him.
(207):
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
(315):
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
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(910):
ewww.. a lady's gonna look at my lil puss then ima go home and eat a steak
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