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(810):
I was getting out of the shower and my 5-year-old son happened to be in the bathroom. He said, "Mama, it looks like you're growing a beard down there." Now my husband calls me Captain Redbeard.
(704):
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
(440):
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
(545):
i should text her mom like yooo a million potential children died on your daughters face last night
(456):
last night u found a tic tac on the ground and made it your pet for around 3 hours, then you gave it a bath and it disolved, then you had a funeral for it and u made us wear black and carry flowers...
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(907):
This just in. I had stripper hair in my fly zipper
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