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(416):
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
(818):
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
(936):
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
(860):
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
(828):
Every chick thinks they're fat except for fat chicks who think they are gods gift to men. It's the damnedest thing.
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(707):
I keep farting. It's why I can't sleep. They keep getting louder and funnier. And it's making me laugh myself awake..
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