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(773):
Sent: You wanna fuck later? Received: thats a little forward don't you think? Sent: okay well then do you wanna hang out for a little bit and then maybe fuck later?
(360):
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
(717):
hey this is Nancy, i have to type for Hassan because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
(512):
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
(210):
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
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(919):
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
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