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(732):
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
(281):
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
(517):
Dude, Ted's grandma bought my condoms... Then winked at me... HELP!
(917):
spent half the night in my friend's arms begging him to put me down because I was 'flying'. Pot brownies too too strong.
(812):
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
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(505):
It must have been really cold last night because when I woke up my nipples were hard but my dick was soft.
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