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(920):
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
(412):
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
(254):
how u feeling this morning? (reply): i think there is a 87% chance i'm dying
(314):
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
(518):
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
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(313):
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
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