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(317):
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
(312):
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
(951):
Whoa whoa whoa... why are we drinking with cops? WTF?
(781):
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
(314):
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"? (636): our generation is not ready to get married
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(936):
You're so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear
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