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(412):
I'm not sure what I want for dinner but it sounds like you want my specialty .... shweaty balls (412) You know it (412) They are in the oven cookin' right now!
(780):
totally got smashed last night alone and woke up with a wet vag and and an open condom beside my bed....no fucking clue who came over...and the my phones screen is smashed so i cant even check my calls or txts! maybe an ex....hopefully not the booze delivery guy?!?!!!
(905):
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
(562):
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
(315):
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
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(845):
bouncer- what color are your eyes? me- green/blue bouncer- well the id says blue, so your not going in me- what color do they look... fucking purple?
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