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(651):
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
(305):
(sent)I have something extremely important to tell you. (rcvd)Go (sent)I was boiling water for tea and there was an ant on the counter so i poured some water on it and it exploded!!!!!!!!!!!!
(270):
I decided to not go to a strip club for the second Saturday in a row, because I didn't want to appear desperate in front of the strippers.
(412):
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
(973):
Steve just legally changed his name to Jagermeister.
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(717):
I CAN'T STOP PEEING! What is wrong with me :(
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