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(501):
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
(607):
i think i gave a blowjob to a guy in a onesie..
(678):
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
(407):
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
(918):
a guy came knocking on my door asking for donations for the new primary school children's pool...gave him two bottles of water...does that make me a bad person?
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(619):
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
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