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(516):
Dude I have no idea where I am, but my pants are burning on a cross and there's a radio blasting some Iron Maiden. I don't know if I should be scared or really happy right now.
(618):
Why is there a hole in my wall? (recvd): Last night, after 8 shots, you had a dance contest with your dog, got mad cause you thought you lost, and punched the wall.
(703):
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
(213):
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
(480):
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
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(203):
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
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