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(714):
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
(248):
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
(253):
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
(562):
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
(716):
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
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(815):
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
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